Six and a half years ago my life changed forever in more ways than one. The biggest change was that I was starting through a divorce. My now ex husband decided that we just weren’t compatible any longer and that my weight was part of the issue. I was about 70 lbs overweight at the time. When we first started dating I weighed about 117 lbs. Two kids and 16 years of putting everyone and everything before myself had taken it’s toll on my body. I’m not blaming anyone but myself, I could have easily done something about it long before like take 30 min a day to just walk or do some form of exercise and I could have eat better. So the day he decided to file for divorce was the day I decided to take back my control and my life. I hit the treadmill. I made meal plans that did not include anything sweet, fried, or boxed. Fast forward 4 months and 2 treadmills later, I had lost 70 lbs and had a new lease on life. I felt amazing!
Now fast forward to June 2015. I met David, the man I would want to spend the rest of my life with, even though I didn’t know that at the time. He changed how I viewed relationships and helped me overcome the last shred of self doubt that I had. He showed me a love like I had never known before. I became happy, comfortable, and loved. And with these new feelings came the weight back.
Slowly at first, 5 lbs here, 2 lbs there. Nothing that I noticed much at first. Then it was like I woke up one morning 2 years lather and can’t wear my favorite jeans anymore. WTH?? Then I started noticing that I can’t bend over to tie my shoes without grunting, I can’t walk up the stairs without getting winded, I’ve had to start buying bigger clothes again. I do NOT like this at ALL!! I fought and struggled so hard during my divorce stage to get my control back and somehow I never noticed that I let that control slip away again. David and I loved to eat out and try new restaurants, we loved getting ice cream and new desserts. I had been on a slippery slope of chocolate sauce and hit the bottom before I ever realized that I was sliding.
I’ve started avoiding cameras again (this was something I had done for years when I was overweight before). I’ve started avoiding going out in public. I find myself putting myself down. This technique was something I had always done before to avoid any criticism from others, I would make fun of my own weight before giving them a chance to. I would laugh or joke about it, all the while I was screaming and crying on the inside wishing that I could dig a hole and hide away in it. I’ve started worrying that the weight will become an issue for David, that he will be embarrassed to be seen with me, after all he is slim and in pretty good shape (although if you ask him he says he’s an out of shape skinny boy..lol).
My fears and self loathing have started to interfere with my happiness, our happiness. And it has no basis or foundation when it comes to David. He loves me for who I am and always has. That will not change. He wants to see me happy and healthy, and right now I am not healthy.
We have a wedding coming up and I have a beautiful vintage lace dress hanging in the closet that I want to look beautiful in. So, I have decided it’s time to stop hiding behind the baggy clothes, stop denying that I have a problem, and start doing something about it. I did it before, I can do it again. It might be a little harder and take a little longer this time since I’m older and things like this get more difficult with age but I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge and I’m not ready to give up on myself what so ever.
I want to take you on my journey to a better and healthier life. I want to share my experiences of what is working and what is epic failures in hopes that maybe it will inspire and help someone else that is struggling with the same thing. It will also help to keep me accountable. So here we go.
Day 1….Admit you have a problem, identify what has gotten you to the point you are at today, determine a plan to help turn your life around and get you where you want to be. Find your WHY! Why are you wanting to lose weight and get healthier?
For me those answers are all easy. Yes, I have a problem, my weight has taken control of my life again. I got to this point by overeating, not eating healthy choices, not being active, and denying that I was doing all the things that would eventually send me right back to a place I vowed to never go again. My why is that I want to live longer, I want to be active in the lives of my daughters, my family, my friends, and my relationship with David. I want to feel good again, I want to feel beautiful again. I want to feel in control again. And I will achieve this by making better food choices, by being conscious of what I am putting in my body. I will schedule time in every day of my life for myself to exercise, to do something for myself that makes me feel better. I will vow to put myself first for at least 30 minutes a day every day and continue to do that, never to stop again, even after I have reached my weight loss goal. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is just as important as making the changes.
I hope that someone out there takes this journey with me. We all need someone that is not judgemental on a journey such as this. If you are struggling with these same issues please know that you are not alone. If you need someone to walk with you on your own journey feel free to comment below, email me, subscribe to my blog and follow along. I will be happy to be your accountability buddy. Thank you for stopping by for a few minutes with Michelle. See ya next time!!
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