Life After Divorce: Stage 2…Let’s Start Dating

After a few months of being newly divorced and working on finding myself, I decided that I was ready to venture out into the dating world. All I can say is WOW! Dating sure has changed since I was what you would call “on the market”, which is exactly how I felt in the beginning. Fresh meat. These days it is the “in” thing to use dating sites and apps to find someone to spend time with. Whatever happened to meeting someone at your church or community social function? Anywhoo, I had already decided I didn’t want to date local because it would just make things awkward for me, my ex husband, and my kids. This was all awkward enough as it was. So, I took the plunge and created a dating profile. And so the horror stories begin.

Now I’m not knocking all dating sites, don’t get me wrong. BUT, there is something to be said about a site when it reminds you of a shark tank after you have thrown a bloody chunk of meat in it. I’ll leave that right there for now. Let it sink in.

I started out on the most common dating sites, to which I will not name because I do not want to be held liable in case someone else decides to try one of these sites and has similar horror stories as I do and needs someone to blame. Just know this, there are way too many photoshop apps these days, don’t trust everything you see on there. Do not always trust the career boasting, working the drive thru at Taco Bell is NOT the same thing as food management.

Other things that I learned on these sites would include stating that they are single does not always mean they are single except in their own mind. Yes, I was on a date with someone when his WIFE and FOUR kids decided to join us, and she was not happy nor was I. I immediately got up from the table, walked out, and acted like I had no idea why the couple in the corner with four crying kids were screaming at each other.

If you have doubts about their age, ask to see their driver’s license because more often than not if they say they are 40 but they look 60 they have fudged just a few years on their profile. I would also suggest asking about any past history of mental illness, dependencies, incarcerations, or crazy ex’es. You may be laughing about this and think I might be going a little overboard with warnings but you will thank me later, trust me.

Dating just isn’t like it use to be. No one actually takes the time to CALL each other anymore to talk and get to know each other. It’s all done through text and pics now. Maybe I’m old fashioned but I still enjoy a good conversation with someone. You can tell more about someone by the way they hold a conversation with you. I’ve been able to eliminate several prospects within roughly 10 minutes of conversation.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I am by far in the elite of intelligence category, but I do like to have someone in my life that can at least keep up or exceed my level. Plus, if someone is truly interested in you they will WANT to actually TALK to you on the phone, not text.

To make a long story short, because we could be here for days if I told you ALL of the horrible details of online dating, after several attempts and multiple sites I finally decided that it just wasn’t worth it. I felt like I was trying too hard and therefore I was settling. There is absolutely NO reason why anyone should settle for less than they deserve or want in a life partner. You just have to learn to have the patience it may take for that person to come along.

After being on Tinder (yes I will name this one and I’m about to tell you why) for about 2 months, I was about to chalk it up to another dead end site when along came this cute little skinny guy sitting in a fishing boat that I swiped right on. There was just something about this one that drew my attention, and apparently he had swiped right on me also because the app will alert you if a potential match has also swiped right on you. We were already in mutual agreement so far. Good sign. Honestly though I didn’t put much more thought into it at that point because in the past it hadn’t produced very good results so in my mind nothing was about to drastically change. 

The next day I decided it was time to just delete the app and hand things over to the good Lord himself. I wasn’t doing such a hot job of this dating thing so maybe He would know much better about what I needed than I did. I proceeded to go on the app and delete my profile when I noticed I had another alert. The cute little skinny guy in the fishing boat had messaged me. Hmmmm, interesting. I opened the message to read “hey I noticed we swiped right on each other and I was wondering if you might want to talk to get to know each other”. Simple enough. The thing that caught my attention more was the fact that he didn’t lead off with “hey beautiful, do you want to swap more pics of each other?” or “hey pretty lady, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”. Those are just a couple of the ridiculous lines I received on these dating sites.

I decided to make the effort to reply to the little fisherman (yes I am a true country girl and sucker for jeans and fishing gear). I’m glad I did. David turned out to be like no other potential that I had met or talked to. I sent him a message that said that I was about to delete my profile from Tinder and if he wanted to talk and get to know each other he was welcome to call me and I gave him my number.

He started out by texting and actually asked for my permission to call me. Brownie points. The first night he called we were on the phone from about 7:30 pm till 2 am. I honestly think he held the record for longest initial phone contact. This repeated for the following several nights. He was smart, interesting, thoughtful, and he seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. We had so much in common but we had differences that made it interesting.

After about 2 weeks of calls, texts, and friending each other on Facebook, he finally asked me out on a date. And what a date it was!! Being an hour and a half apart, we agreed to meet in a town that was a halfway mark between where we each lived. I strongly recommend that you NEVER let a new potential date come to your home until after you have gotten to know them. It’s just too dangerous, plus if you happen to be on a crappy date you will have your vehicle there and can leave at any time. 

We started with lunch as we were meeting at 12pm on a Saturday. I was 15 minutes late due to getting stuck at a traffic accident. He waited though. Brownie points again.

From lunch we just decided to wing it. Eight hours later, yes you read that right, eight hours later we had been to the flea market, thrift stores, book store, and decided to go see a movie. It was almost like we didn’t want the night to end. The rest is a bona fide love story that you will read about in later blogs.

I was fortunate that I found my soulmate on a dating site so to say they are all bad is not entirely true. But I would recommend extreme caution if you choose to try them. Stand your ground on what you believe in and don’t settle for less than you deserve and want in a relationship. If all else fails, hand it over to God or whatever higher being you trust in and let Him guide you to your next chapter!

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3 thoughts on “Life After Divorce: Stage 2…Let’s Start Dating

  1. Aw Michelle, I couldn’t ever imagine starting again, I do not like that prospect at all, the modern dating movement scares the beejeebers out of me for all the reasons you have mentioned.

    Reading through the thing that struck me was that David asked you if you wanted to ‘talk’ to get to know each other. That must have been a nice feeling after your experiences.

    <3

    Maria

  2. I have never dated. My husband and i met through friends and messaged a lot but never went out on a date until after we were living together. I’m a complete amateur.

    So glad you found a good one 🙂

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